The Story of Christopher Crisp

November 23, 2008

Christopher Crisp was a greedy young man,
He ate pies and steaks and strawberry flan.
He ate chicken and ham and big chocolate cakes,
He even ate fruits that he knew were just fake.
He grew and he bulged and looked like he would pop,
But nothing but nothing could get him to stop.
On January twelfth as the third fattest man,
He squinted his eyes and yelled ‘Yes I can!’.
He gritted his teeth and then opened them wide,
And crammed all the food he could shove down inside.
By February fifth he was two in the charts,
Just three stone behind some guy who played darts.
The months rolled along and the pounds piled high,
But news from the papers made Christopher sigh.
The world’s fattest man still held his proud title,
But Chris still maintained; “To beat him is vital”.
So Christopher rallied to give all that he’s got,
But then lazily sighed; “Oh I’ll just have him shot”.
And so came the headline our hero did crave,
‘Fat Darts Player Shot, Now Lies In Wide Grave.’
Completely flat broke having paid off the hit-man,
He toasted and cheered the success of his great plan.
They came to admire the great size of his hind,
But nothing compared to the huge weight on his mind.
When the people from Guinness arrived with his plaque,
The gathering Press were quite taken aback.
Christopher frowned; “I’ve a confession to make…”
The Press just ignored saying “Pose with this cake!”
So let this be a lesson, to be the best of the best,
Be a ruthless little monster and just murder the rest.

…Not Also, But Only.


2 Responses to “The Story of Christopher Crisp”

  1. Darren said

    Wonderful – loved it.

  2. jeremy crisp said

    christopher crisp is my brother

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