The Go-Getter

September 8, 2014

Another #200v200 submission.


      Cousin Eoin is the gold standard. To whom everyone and everything within my family is held up. Especially me. I’ve never met Eoin. He’s my second or third cousin who lives on the other (better) side of town. I’ve never seen a photo of him or spoken to him on the phone. He “doesn’t bother with Facebook or any of that nonsense”. There is a remote but very real possibility that Eoin doesn’t actually exist. He may just be a figment of my mother’s imagination. The son she always wanted. A lady-charming, go-getting, money-earning, child-siring, birthday-remembering, celebrity-knowing stick she dreamt up one day to beat me with.

      I went to visit her the other day. I had to take two buses to get there (not that this effort would be acknowledged). I found her standing in the front room, just staring out the window. I asked if she wanted tea. She didn’t reply. She didn’t even turn to look at me. I found the newspaper in the kitchen. South Dublin Man Jailed For Child Sex Offences. So now we know two things for sure. One; Eoin does indeed exist. And two; I’m looking pretty fucking awesome all of a sudden.


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